Fine Line
by Gamecrazy 25
Summary: 50 Sentences. As he lied in bed one night, Matsuda vaguely wondered if he was going to hell for this. Some weird Light/Matsuda relationship, T for yaoi, implied content, slight language, and insanity Major Spoilers Romance/Tragedy


**--50 Sentences--Fine Line**

Summary: As he lied in bed one night, Matsuda vaguely wondered if he was going to hell for this. Some weird Light/Matsuda relationship, T for yaoi, implied content, slight language, and insanity Major Spoilers Romance/Tragedy Mentioned Light/Misa

Gamecrazy's Notes: I swear, I can't write anything normal to save my life! Oh well, its how I operate! This is sort of a Death Note Alternate Universe, but it mainly follows the storyline but with a different event thrown into the mix. If it really happened, there would be more Light haters... Oh, and I own nothing!

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**01: First**

To Matsuda, Light seemed like a serious, college-bound young man who lived the world on a high throne, never likening to care about other people save family--then he turned around and said good morning, erasing any impressions in the detective's mind with a simple smile.

**02: Lower**

It didn't take a rocket scientist to realize that Light was a genius, and so Matsuda couldn't help but feel inferior when in the same room as the young man, what with his already limited intelligence; it didn't stop him from being completely intoxicated with Light's every move though.

**03: Attention**

Matsuda was a firm believer in horoscopes--today's was that something unfortunate would happen and white was a lucky color--but it had all slipped his mind when the doorbell rang in his apartment.

**04: Receive**

Light was standing in the doorway, saying he had a gift for him, but Matsuda was too occupied staring at how angelic the feeble outside light made him seem to think much of it.

**05: Film**

Never had Matsuda realized this happened in real life instead of just movies--too much of a reality crash left him shocked as Light, only he couldn't comprehend it _was_ Light, went inside him for what seemed like the hundredth time against his will, not that he had any to summon in his current state of mind.

**06: Image**

The next morning, Matsuda stood in the bathroom to try and gather his bearings from last night, but he remembered how bloody crimson Light's eyes has seemed the whole time and heaved into the sink.

**07: Trace**

Any person would think nothing had happened in the apartment last night--only Matsuda's memories showed that Light had been there at all; so oddly _clean_ his escape had been, leaving not a thing out of place.

**08: Couple**

Matsuda had never thought that two simple words could throw ice into his blood and turn his legs to jelly when he was already scared out of his mind: "_I'm Kira_."

**09: Zipped**

Light had whispered to Matsuda afterwards that if he told anyone about this, he would kill him; Matsuda wouldn't say a word, just because putting Light as his assaulter was just ridiculous: it was Kira.

**10: Protect**

Matsuda wasn't going to believe that Light was Kira--Kira brought him physical and mental anguish, and Light would _never_ do that to him.

**11: Spare**

If love wasn't already something to groan at, Matsuda would have at the fact that he almost never got a moment alone with Light: the apple of his eye, so to speak, and he didn't mean Kira because he hated the mass murderer.

**12: Act**

Matsuda knew he didn't behave correctly for his age--a little childish, fun-loving, into the current trends, instead of being serious and hard-working like his fellow detectives--but he was seized by a serious hand when it came to Kira, thinking of how he kept his identity submerged in his mind ocean and said nothing of who it was, not that he could bring himself to believe it.

**13: Grew**

Matsuda hated to even think of what Kira did to him at least once a week, but he tried to talk about it to Light--every time, a glob of sickly sweet honey formed to block his airway, preventing him from breathing and saying a single whisper of it.

**14: Date**

At work while he typed on the computer to record any information they found on the Kira Case, Matsuda glanced at the calendar casually--one year of Kira's advances, and that fact sent chills down his spine; one year of hating Kira with all his heart and the lightheadedness of saying nothing as the terrible kept happening.

**15: Need**

One night, Light announced to the rest of the task force that he and Matsuda needed to get some work done, and as the office grew silent, Light reached over to grab Matsuda's tie, reeling him in like a fish to join their lips--the detective so wanted this, this sweet-in-a-rough-way kiss he lusted after, especially when compared to Kira's dry, dead ones.

**16: Unknown**

Matsuda really didn't know how to classify his relationship with Light; most of the time he remained a fellow coworker he could barely speak to and the object of his affection, but other times, beyond the gazes of anyone, the two of them came together with a pleasurable experience that didn't go where Matsuda wished it to go, always wanting more than what he was handed--not that he could afford to be ungrateful with the few times it could happen.

**17: Coin**

If Light was an angel who tempted with a sip of heaven, then Kira was the demon who arrived with a full course meal of _hell_.

**18: Complaint**

Kira was at it again, but Matsuda was surprisingly lenient with it, not that he liked it--**hated it**--but the less fuss he made, the quicker it would be over.

**19: Cocaine**

Matsuda didn't care that he was immensely infatuated with Light--_addicted_ really--and it would be fine as long as no one else knew and he could just be around the young man.

**20: Science**

They said opposites attract and Matsuda was a prime example--compared to Light, he was just a stupid coworker who fell ill on love--but only someone divine knew if it held vice versa on the favorable side.

**21: Gallon**

Love Matsuda had in full, and he felt as much of that as hatred when a certain someone was involved.

**22: Crypt**

If he had a choice, Matsuda would never, ever let Kira inside him on normal circumstances; it made his skin crawl just thinking about it--the sex resembled making love with a _corpse_.

**23: Curiosity**

Misa Amane: the blonde supermodel/actress/singer that clung to Light whenever she could and adored him with all of her heart--but when she casually mentioned to Matsuda that sometimes she wondered when Light would _really_ become romantic with her, a sinking feeling developed in his chest; maybe Light was also holding back on him.

**24: Fruit**

One night during a heated session, Matsuda managed to ask if the two of them were allowed this; Light only replied, "No one's saying this is forbidden."

**25: Pass**

On the day L--Ryuzaki, Eraldo Coil, Deneuve, Hideki Ryuga, whichever alias proved sufficient--died, Matsuda could only hate Kira more at that; he just couldn't believe Light would even _think_ about the genius detective's demise, but he was already filled with denial to the brim that Light had some idea behind it so he blamed it on Kira.

**26: Day**

Woe was the day at the task force once--Matsuda hadn't known it was Light's birthday _at all_.

**27: Relation**

One day, beyond Light's ear, Soichiro mused aloud something--"Sometimes, I really wonder what my son's thinking..."--which made Matsuda wonder if _anyone_ had ever gotten close to Light on a level where they could read his mind.

**28: Worth**

Matsuda wondered why he and Light terminated before rough kisses became passion-filled touches; was he just no good?

**29: Whirlwind**

Jackets, shirts, pants, ties all swirling around in the air in a rainbow tornado--Matsuda stood in the middle of it all, a random sock held in his hand, and knew he did it because he was able to do so.

**30: Obvious**

Between the ever elusive Light's occasional embraces that became blazes quickly and died out just as fast and Kira's advances that were the most disgusting act of all, Matsuda thought it no surprise he was going insane.

**31: Salvage**

Matsuda had convinced himself that he kept seeing Light and Kira as separate things inside of one and the same to save his sanity, but really--he had limited left these days.

**32: Delay**

If the detective had anything to afraid of, it would be what would happen when he was forced to believe what he had driven away for so long.

**33: Loss**

Aizawa berated Matsuda on being clumsier lately after he knocked over a glass bird a relative had given to him a while back and stuck him with the task of repairing it--as he did so, Matsuda regretted that his mind wouldn't go back together so easily.

**34: Stone**

Even if he came to be imprisoned in a straitjacket and silenced from the rest of the functioning world, Matsuda swore that he would still love Light and hate Kira no matter what happened.

**35: Pack**

It was something to be concerned with, but Matsuda didn't think that because he loved Light--going bonkers was trivial.

**36: Ends**

Matsuda was glad to be a puppet if the strings were in Light's hands--he could love Light even if he staked everything for it, because Light was the world.

**37: Pie**

It was simple--he couldn't hate a genius or love a killer.

**38: After**

As he lied in bed one night, Matsuda vaguely wondered if he was going to hell for this.

**39: Lies**

Matsuda was curious as to why no one noticed his behavior--he was pulling more and more smiles out of his ass and felt crazier with every passing day.

**40: Eternal**

Never had Kira spoken a word about his plans to the detective--whatever sowed in the killer's mind was secret until the news was plastered with it.

**41: Fate**

January 28, 2010--Matsuda had a bad feeling about that day.

**42: Destiny**

After six long years, the public finally knew Kira's identity: Light Yagami--not that Matsuda tried to believe it anymore.

**43: Midnight**

Kira--not Light, _never_ Light--was exposed now, and he attempted to sway the task force and SPK to his aid as a last plea, but Matsuda believed none of it; all of those nights where nightmares plagued him with crimson eyes and a looming figure made him scowl at how uncaring Kira was.

**44: Pile**

The killer of countless criminals and innocents had almost played all his cards, fake Death Dealer he was, but had one last ace up his sleeve: a hidden Death Note scrap inside his watch--Matsuda shot him, rage overloading his circuits.

**45: Moisture**

Kira screamed at Matsuda for shooting him, _what the hell was he doing_, and Matsuda's hands were slick with sweat on the gun and tears sliding down his face for all of those people he killed without batting an eye and loaded four more bullets into that despicable bastard.

**46: Pit**

It wasn't until he rushed up on shaking legs with intent to kill that his mind screamed _you shot __**Light**__ you bastard _and _kill Kira, he should die _that Matsuda jerked the gun sharply to the left--just centimeters from Light's head--all because he couldn't kill Light.

**47: Butter**

There was a tense few seconds of silence as Light--Light, Light, never Kira but_** Light**_--gazed in astonishment up at the detective and Matsuda tossing the empty gun to the ground and crumpled against the nearest wall in pure shame, crying without care of who watched.

**48: Romeo**

Bloody, bullet-ridden Light had ran from the warehouse and Ide raised the question if something was wrong with Matsuda--just _now_ they thought that?--that he asked whatever god watching him one question: wherefore art thou Light?

**49: Masquerade**

Matsuda's mask had crumbled in those last moments, all those fake smiles shattering to the floor and sullen moods taking him over instead, and he felt his heart still when the news came: Light was dead.

**50: Last**

_I loved him and could never, __**ever**__, hate him._

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Ask me if any of the sentence ideas puzzled you--I tend to be vague on everything--but I don't know if you'd understand Sentence 35. It comes from a Green Day song "The Grouch," where a lyric is "I drank a six pack of apathy," and Matsuda doesn't care that he's going insane.


End file.
